Friday, August 22, 2014

Gone camping!

Hey, looves!
We decided to go back camping, so I am taking a little break from the blog. (Not neglecting it again! :)) 
I'm not sure how long we're staying for, but I think till next sunday for sure, and then we'll see from there on.
With the little batery that I have I'll try to at least update on instagram, so do follow me there for some pretty pictures of this heaven. ;)

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Thursday, August 21, 2014

How to be alone.

If you are at first lonely, be patient.

If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.

Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by chow-downers, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo dessert and cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back, like a book of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might have never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after a while nobody is dating them.

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

(I thought this poem was beautiful. I love being alone and it's probably the time I prefer to time with anyone else. 
I wanted to share this to encourage anyone to enjoy some alone time and find the beauty in it. It's one of the most important things we can ever learn. )

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Camping heaven.

 I don't write poems, but I wrote this little thing when we went camping last week. Truly nothing like being barefoot, naked and one with nature.

In love. 
With the trees and the rocks and the sun and the rain. 
With the silence and the birds singing and the breeze and the heat. 
With grass under bare feet and wind in wet hair. 
With soft mornings and sticky nights and salty kisses and sweet laughs. 
She was in love. 
With life.

(If you follow me on instagram, you've seen most of these photos already. Sorry.
Also, if you follow me on instagram, I love you more than the readers that don't. ;) )
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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Touch someone.

Well, this is awkward. I don't think I've ever been away from the blog for this long. I can see by the stats that some of you are still visiting, so I guess I won't be talking to myself - as I thought.

I made a rule, and it was to never write in here when I'm emotional. To never write in the moment I'm feeling/experiencing something - whatever it is.
Because, each time I did, I ended up deleting the post as soon as I woke up the next morning.
Reading those posts the day after always made me feel very vulnerable and naked.
And, I don't really mind sharing myself and that vulnerbility with the world. It sounds strange, but no mater how many people read what I write, I'm ok with it. I don't care if some mum & wife from Germany reads it. Or a creepy guy from Boston. Or a kid in Italy. You get the point.
The problem is the town I live in. It's very small. There's not many people here, and everyone knows everyone.
To think that a girl I went to school with or that I buy bread from reads about my emotions - that's what's scary to me. 
But, it shouldn't be.
I know that not everyone will always agree with me or think I'm the smartest cookie or the nicest human being ever.. But I don't mind that. I am proud of the person I am and yes, it is scary to share yourself with the world... But it might be scarier not to.
My emotions and thoughts should be shared. Your emotions and thoughts should be shared. If that's not the point of this amazing thing that internet is, then I don't know what is. 

Here's the thing. I got this message on whatsapp today and it made me tear up and made me heart so warm. It might be small and not a big deal, but it was to me.
This winter I went to visit my au pair family in Frankfurt, if you remember.
I went there to see the city I was in love with, to see the people that thought me so much about love and marriage and family, to see the girls that - for the first time- made me want to be a mom myself (one day, calm down).
I did all that, but, I also left with a new friend. Their current au pair was the one I shared the apartment with and spent all of my time with. We spent hours talking about everything and nothing, deep into the night. She was scared and homesick and lonely and unsure of what she wants.. She was me, 4 years ago.
As someone who has gone through all of those emotions and fears that she was having, I tried to give her advice. I talked and talked and opened my heart to her completely. I could tell that she was comforted and that was my only intention. Just to give her some bravery that I wished someone would have given me back then when I gave up on the job and moved back to Croatia.
I didn't really made much effort to talk to her every day since I've been back, even though she is very dear to my heart. And I didn't really think much about those conversations of ours, even though I hold them very dear to my heart.
But today, she sent me a message saying how grateful she is to me for giving her the support she needed and making her stick it out in Germany.
A short while after I left, she met the man she will now be marrying in September. :)

Of course I don't find myself responsible for her wedding or the fact that they've met  but I am a firm believer that every thing and every person comes into your life at the right time. I'm a firm believer that every person you meet can give your something of value. And in the cliche we always hear about - everything happens for a reason. It really does.
And that brings me back to the begining of this post. We should always share with others. Our hopes and fears and experiences and emotions and desires and everything in between.
Someone could be turning your heavy heart into a great gift in their life. And that is a gift for your as well. Like in this case - her joy truly is my joy and I could not be filled with more happiness right now.

So, new rule. I am going to write when I'm emotional. When it's happiness and when it's sadness. Maybe no one will even read it. Maybe someone will and it will make them smile. Or cringe. Or whatever.
Just share yourself with the world. Share hugs and compliments and thoughts and arguments and tears and smiles. To make another human being feel something, that's what keeps us alive. 
I'll leave you with the words of a much smarter Maya, beautiful and kind words we should all be reminding ourselves of every day when we walk out in to the world.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. 
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. 
 I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. 
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. 
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. 
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

p.s. I haven't felt the need or the desire to write in my blog for a long time. It's not the cure for cancer, but I love this blog. And it is important to me. This little message made me want to write down my thoughts and share them. So thank you, Karina, you helped me, too. It's the little things, that always mean so much. ;)

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Sunday, July 13, 2014

 Happy birthday to my best friend, my soul mate, my sister.
I love no one more than I love you and no one could ever take your place.
You show me every day that people can be pure and perfect and that true love really exists. You're the first forever I ever chose to have,
and I  could never live without you by my side.

Hope you have a wonderful birthday & the best year yet!
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